Just fell off a train. Bad.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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