did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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