what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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