if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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