Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
