By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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