she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
