Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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