I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
