My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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