I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
