I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
