So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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