Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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