I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
