from now on my penis is your penis
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize