Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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