i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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