Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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