So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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