I wish I only lived at night.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
