she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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