Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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