so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
