Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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