i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
