Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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