ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
