so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
