where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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