we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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