ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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