youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Randomize
