Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
