too bad you live with your parents still
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
