I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
