I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
