my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
