I wish you could order shots online.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There r osticjed everywhere
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Randomize
