Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
