And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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