I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
