I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
