Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i just google imaged poop.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
