I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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