We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
