The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
