you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
