We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
