Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
