The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
