I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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