His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I am one with the molecules
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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