youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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