Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
