Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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