She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
