so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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