I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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