don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
