So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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