Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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