he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
