note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
