apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
The air taste purple.
Randomize
