yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
