i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
