I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
