we're chasing vodka with high fives
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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