i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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