he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
