xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
