i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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